Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Sisters are Forever ~ Childhood Promises

When we grow old and baggy, my sister and I are going to sit on the front porch of one or the other's home. We will each be in our consecutive rockers. On the table between us there will be an icy cold pitcher of lemonade. In our laps, will be our hanky napkins and two sweaty glasses (one each). And we'll sip and we'll laugh and talk of memories and make up stories. We will love each other as we have always loved each other, and all will be well.

This was a promise between sisters, made what seems an eternity ago, a once upon a time before "grown up" things found their ways into our lives. The wonderful thing about sisters is that, through everything, dreams like this do still stand in the wake of a storm, waving a slow but sure and steady hand, gently in the wind.

We rarely hug, my sister and I. It is even a rare moment when the words, "I love you," are spoken for any reason whatsoever. Nor do we really look into each other's eyes in that way that sisters are suppose to do. They all go unsaid, undone, yet so wonderfully noticed.

I never forget who she is, or what she means to me. I never forget that I could never be who I am today were it not for her. And I never forget how desperately I wanted her to be born.

Sometimes I want to hold her in my arms as though she were my baby sister from all those years ago. Sometimes I want to talk to her on our walky-talky phones, whispering nothing all that amazing from our bedrooms, until we fall asleep. Sometimes want to bug her to death or play a game or just whatever.

And I always, always, want to make her laugh. I suppose this is because sisters just are. And being feels so very good. And feeling good always brings about a smile. And smiles have the tendency to bring on a laugh. And a laugh just is, just like a sister just is. And maybe that's why I love her so much.

I will ask her, years from now, while we're sitting in our rockers, sipping lemonade, what she thought of this post. She will lick her lips and lean her head back. Rocking, she will say, "Oh yeah." She'll giggle, make a funny face, turn her eyes to see if I was looking, and then go on rocking. 

Yes, sisters are a wonderful thing.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Life's Little Pleasures Continued ~ Taking Your Pet on a Walk

There are countless benefits, as a pet owner, to taking your pet on a walk. But there are benefits for pets too. Not only will walking with you help keep your pet keep healthy and fit, he or she will also feel special. Your pet will feel loved. And most importantly, your pet will feel OH SO PRETTY!

Life's Little Pleasures Continued ~ What to do if You Walk Into Dancing Bears

Many of us are compelled to walk in the woods. And for good reason. Nature is all encompassing in the woods. The woods have their dangers, however, and we must all be prepared. It is quite possible that you may come across dancing bears. Do not panic. Instead, partake in the miracles of nature. Dance with them.

Life's Little Pleasures Continued ~ Walking in the Snow

Fantasizing about walking is not the same as actually walking, but it gives us a chance to be creative, and, perhaps, inspired. Anyone up for a brisk walk in the snow? Don't forget your coat and mittens.


One of the most exciting moments in a child's life is the moment he or she takes his or her first steps. We often think of that moment as the most exciting moment for the parents, forgetting to realize that above and beyond that, each stride a child takes brings a self pride and a simple joy recognized as a great accomplishment.

Children do not take walking for granted. They revel in it. They can't get enough of it. They walk every chance they get.

As we get older, walking becomes a thing of the past. Something expected and taken for granted. How easily walking becomes a forgotten luxury. Thankfully, it's never too late to remember. Why, you can embrace walking every day.

It all starts with baby steps. Yes, Bob, baby steps. Baby steps out the door. Baby steps down the walk, baby steps across the street. Baby stepping on your way.

Here is a list of my top ten walking tips:

1. No destination in particular. Just be sure you don't walk more than 20 minutes before turning back. Unless you have stamina. But don't start walking back just because you think you might be getting tired after two minutes. Walking is rejuvenating and you're more than likely to get a second wind.

2. Comfy clothes. But not too comfy, you don't want to fall asleep. Not too baggy, you don't want your clothes to fall off.

3. Comfy shoes. (Note warnings for number two above.)

4. A smile. A smile will make you feel good and will prompt you to think nice thoughts. The key here, however, is to smile with your whole face. Get your eyebrows involved too. You'll notice the difference right away.

5. All your worries. That's right. bring them along. That smile on your face just may help you solve some problems. The time alone or with a friend in the fresh air will be the biggest blessing you could have hoped for. If you're worried about money, however, leave your calculator at home, but by all means think about what you can do to change your situation or plan a budget. Some of the greatest ideas come about during a walk in the great outdoors. Yes, the city streets are still considered a part of the great outdoors; you don't need the woods to take a great walk.

6. An umbrella if it's raining or you think it's going to. Of course, bringing an umbrella is a fabulous idea since the great outdoors offer much in the way of hazards. For example, if you'll be walking in a wooded area, an umbrella can protect you from bird droppings.

7. Speaking of rain, how's about a little drink of water for before, during, and after. You may not be thirsty when you leave, but dehydration comes on quick when you're in motion.

8. Don't let the weather get you down. Too hot? Bring a spray bottle. Snowing or cold? Take the time to bundle up. Hailing? Another great use for that umbrella of yours.

9. Bring along a pet if you have one. Sometimes pets help us relax, keep us occupied, keep us company. One of the biggest reasons people don't go on walks is because walking alone seems to make you feel alone, the same reason most people don't dine out alone. Let's not forget the amount of entertainment a pet can provide. For example, a cat on a leash may be challenging, but it can also be a source of entertainment, as well as a test of humor.

10. A first aid kit. you never know when you might fall and skin your knee. There is also the risk of getting bitten by your neighbor's nephew, or even a snake!

Think you're too old? Nonsense. Most people who live to be over a hundred have mastered the art of walking and kept at it. Too tired? Walking will give you energy and clear your mind. It's much easier to rest after a good walk. Pregnant? Childbirth will be a whole lot easier if you've been walking every chance you get. You and your muscles will be in better shape. And oddly enough, those ailments of pregnancy will seem to vanish into thin air. Don't have time because you work? Park your car at the end of the lot. Too many errands to run? Again, the end of the lot is your best bet. besides which, you'll be spending less time fighting for a spot and more time energizing your life!

I hope that these tips are encouraging and helpful. And remember, walking isn't only one of the best forms of physical exercises the mind and spirit. You deserve the best.

Send us your walking tips and experiences. We want to hear from YOU!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Peter Sellers

While looking for some good comedy sketches to post on my MySpace page, I came across some Peter Sellers videos that I hadn't seen before, mostly because I was too young, and these interviews/videos/television sketches/etc were obscure to my life as a Greek immigrant's daughter in Midwest American suburbia. As I watched, one after the other, I couldn't help but remember the genius of this man and how he effected and affected my life. His career gave me something intangible that I have always clung to as tangibly as I can. Take a look, enjoy, and let me know what you think.


200 Words or Less... Oops, I Missed That Part

I entered a contest on Facebook. The prize: win free tickets to see Ellen, live. The rules, an essay about yourself and why you should be picked to see the show, and be in the audience, in 200 words or less. Thankfully I noticed this before clicking enter. Unfortunately, this is what I had to offer before much cutting and scrapping.

I first ran across Ellen on her standup debut. I wasn’t there, I watched on television. I would have liked to have been there though, that would have been something, now wouldn’t it. Any who, I’ve wanted to see Ellen since I cracked my gut open when I saw her first stand up routine on TV. I thought, “OMG she understands me! She gets it!”
I love laughing until tears stream out of my eyes, and then I start crying (not for real); it would be nice if I could cry. Well, okay I cried the five times I gave birth. So I taped most of it on my VCR and watched it religiously (her show not me giving birth) until her sitcom came out. Then I watched and taped and watched that religiously. So in a nutshell, I love to watch her at work. Plus, I really, really, really, need a vacation, the kind where you do what you want to do and to hell with the kids, it's Mommy's time to run up and down the aisles throwing candy and popcorn at everyone!

In case you haven’t Googled me ever, I’m a mother of four, five if you include my husband. I'm 37; I thought I was 38 for months now, but then I figured out I was 37 not 38 so I'm happy about that, although I don't really know why because now I'll just die at like 106 instead of 107, but I don't really know if I want to live THAT long, It's not like I'm in the bible; those people lived forever, didn't they?

I have two dogs, two cats, and a guinea pig named Arnold (I keep wanting to call him Harold, that's my sister's fiance's name; thankfully he doesn't mind, the guinea pig I mean, not Harry, I think Harry minds.) I love to keep organized but the people around me don't, so this is a problem for me. I love steak. LOVE IT. I even wrote a blog about it on my MySpace blog page and posted it onto my Facebook page. (Hope the steak thing isn't a problem. Everyone's different, you know)

And, finally, my favorite thing to do is prank call my sister at odd times of the day or night pretending I'm someone else or like I'm having some sort of odd emergency. It always gets on her nerves. We were talking about this over Thanksgiving dessert, which we had the night after Thanksgiving, and she said she was thankful that her roommate in college was deaf and couldn't hear the phone in the middle of the night.

Oh, and I guess I should say, "Hi Ellen! Congratulations on the fabulous wedding."
Wait! Ellen! Wait!

In case you're wondering, I didn't win.

But I Forgot to Take a Picture

They say that we dream in black and white, and that our memories are in black and white as well. So I suppose I will remember my dearest sweetest Arnold with no alterations needed. But what happens when I can't remember what he looks like? That his soft black ears were the shape of tender ginkgo leaves? That he had a white stripe of fur that ran just to the left of his twitchy nose? That his white whiskers were the wiliest, craziest, boingiest I'd ever seen? That he looked as though he had on a stylish white shoulder cape that suited him very nicely indeed?

What happens when you haven't drawn a portrait and hadn't taken pictures together because you thought there was so much more time? And what if, at the time, the thought of photos were interrupted anyway because he was so excited to see you every day, and because snuggles and happy to be together time would always ensue? What happens when no one thought to capture those moments for you?

What happens when the best you can do is a Nokia cell phone, in the dead of night, on the front porch, in below freezing weather, with no shoes or socks, hoping that somehow a little life may show through the lens? A little life you wish you still had.

Blog and emotional relief inspired by R.I.P. My Dear Smokey. Thanks Bill.
A special thank you to J A S for "Very Still Life" (no longer available). That meant a lot to me.
A special thank you to Envision hope for "Missing Arnold". Thank you for that beautiful tribute. I'm glad you two met.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Happy Chanukah! Remembering when...

It's a small world; and here in America it's even smaller. This is because most of us have multi country/multi continental backgrounds; and many of us have still traceable and visitable roots in foreign lands. We are, in a wonderful sense, artful collages.

In our family, we have some very interesting foreign relatives. We would like to wish them a Happy Chanukah. Here are some photos from their last visit about a year ago.

Good ol' Uncle Seymour
.קיוויתי עבור חלק bagels עם חמצן נוזלי. מה אין לך חמצן נוזלי? אתה רוצה אני צריך לשים על הפנים שלי עצוב?*

Aunt Gelda
Seymour! הבטחת להתנהג עצמך!**

Little Sal
אתה כזה קטנה cutie. בוא לפה ותן לי לסחוט אותם בלחיים!***

* I was hoping for some bagels with lox. What you do not have lox? You want I should put on my sad face?
**Seymour! You promised to behave yourself!
*** You are such a cutie! Come here and let me squeeze those cheeks!
English to Hebrew translation courtesy of Google Translate.

What a good fabric will do for you...

Seldom did she think this, let alone say it.

It was the one thing that stood to reason in her mind, however, as the breeze nestled itself amongst the petunias and lilacs; tossing fragrance all about her, seeping into her clothes like summer.

A good fabric will soak up the scent of a simile.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Greetings and Salutations


Just a Bunch of Hooey

Hy-en welcome to Hooey, the show where you can spit and curse and still come away with nothing.

Mined Mind

Have you mined for your mind? Thrice I thought I might. But alas, it is not a pleasure to seek for what is lost, when one knows one will not find it.

Edvard Munch's The Scream 1893.

Vors Bras A Scrabble Inspiration

Vors Bras, bras with an air navigational radio aid which uses phase comparison of a ground transmitted signal to determine bearing. (This term is derived from the words "very high frequency omnidirectional radio range.") Try a Vors Bra today. MADE EXCLUSIVELY FOR WOMEN ON THE GO!

"Woman on the go" (as I like to call it) clipart courtesey of microsoft clipart.

Mlle Beulah

Her voice was like the whisper of the finest sheets money could buy. Her skin soft and tempting beneath the pearls that draped her neck and shoulders. The fiery, sheer, crimson of her lipstick could melt diamonds, could accomplish the impossible. Her beauty never faltered. Her eyes welcomed the mysterious, the daring, the richness of life. The soft lines of her arms and back led one to believe that if they followed, time would slow and secrets would be heard.

Pulp fiction/romance novel blurb above by Frieda Babbley Inspired by above cafe poster.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Bit of Frieda Babbley Wisdom

He who scolds another's dotings scolds ten.

Top Story and Weather: Inspired By a Game of Scrabble

Our top story for the day: Donjon wifed yet another. Also in the news, another wife laughed at her life, but not so hard. First let's go to meteorologist Frank Davis with a look at our local weather.

Thanks Betty. Well it sure is windy out there, but don't let THAT fool you. That's the warm front PUSHING it's way into the bi-state area. Yes folks it's going to be nearing 100... DEGREES out there today; with humidity it COULD feel much hotter. GOOD news IS, Friday's temperatures will diminish SLIGHTLY. Yes folks, summer is JUST... around the corner.

And thank you Frank for that all-around update. Will there be anyone else exciting join-ing you at the anchor desk? And what ever happened to Donjon?

That's my job, Carol. I DO what I can... WHATEVER the weather. Huh, huh, huh. And I THINK ...BETTY can answer that question for us, BETTY?

Thank you CAROL, FRANK. Our top story tonight concerns the man INFAMOUSLY knOWN... as Donjon. Joining us this hour via satelight in Aqueda La Har is BFS NEWSanchor, Tom STEINburker. TOM...


THANK you, Tom. Well, that IS SOMETHING, ISn't it? WOW. .. COMING uP, CLEANERS, imported from CHINA, are SAID to have been the cause of .. conjunctavitis.. Ohio woman Deloris Viles ... tells her story. Find out if YOU're just seeing things... after this commercial break.

Over Coffee and Cake: A Conversation

So I was having a lot of trouble writing dialogue.  That bugged me so bad.  It was frustrating because I never could seem to get it right.  So I finally decided to try something that did seem to help.  I just focused on the dialogue.  Not the who said what or how they said it or extra descriptions.  Just the words.  What this did was it let me just go with the flow; not worry about extraneous things.  What this also did was it made me feel more comfortable with dialogue and for anyone who's ever had any sort of conversation to make dialogue work for them.  Here's what I came up with. 

M: “Have you heard?”
L: “Yes.”
M: “A shame, isn’t it?
L: “Yes, quite a shame.”
M: “You’d think we would have known sooner.”
L: “I know.”
M: “Why didn’t they tell us?”
L: “Well, I suppose they hoped things would have turned out different.”
M: “Yes, I suppose so… But still.”
L: “Well, would you have told anyone?”
M: “I would have told you.”
L: “That’s different.”
M: “Maybe.”
L: “There might me more to it than we know.”
M: “What more could there be?”
L: “Lots.”
M: “Yes, you could be right. Still, it was quite a shock. If they had said something earlier on this whole mess could have been avoided.”
L: “Well, they probably wanted to figure things out on their own.”
M: “There are so many books on the subject. They could have at least looked there. I could have let them borrow some of mine.”
L: “Perhaps they didn’t have the time. It was all on such short notice, you know.”
M: “This is true.”
L: “Or maybe they thought everything was under control. Maybe they didn’t realize it until it was too late; and they couldn’t turn back, now, could they.”
M: “One should always be prepared for these things, especially the inexperienced.”
L: “Ah, but the inexperienced tend not to know that they’re inexperienced. Besides, they’re not the first ones to go through this. You remember. You and I were in their shoes once. (soft chuckle.) Seems so long ago. We did get over it. We did learn from our mistakes.”
M: “Things are different now… Oh, perhaps you’re right.”
L: “Yes. I think so.”
M: “I feel better about this. Do you think I should take them something? You know, to let them know it’s okay?”
L: “I think you should stay right where you are and finish your cake. Would you like some more coffee?”
M: “It would only take a moment to whip something up and take it over to them. It might make them feel better.”
L: “Or it might make them think you feel sorry for them.”
M: “Perhaps your right. We wouldn’t want that.”
L: “What’s say we sit in the sun like a couple of cats when we’re finished… till the mail comes.”
M: “Sounds wonderful… I wonder if we’ll be receiving an invitation to the Smiths. Their dinner parties are always so beautiful.”
L: “They are aren’t they?”
M: “They do have experience.”
L: “That they do. That they do.”

Past Lives

According to a Facebook quiz application, "Who were you in a past life?" I was Pablo Picasso.

In this life I, "continue to be revolutionary, stubborn, an active lover, enjoy breaking the rules, and react poorly to heartbreak." Hmmm. That sounds about right.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Being Prepared is No Laughing Matter

It is a good idea to store some nuts for those cold winter months.

Running Into Walls, Running Into Walls, Running Into Walls

Sometimes you just need to run into walls.

What Luck! Viking Relatives to Visit the States, Just in Time for the Holidays!

As luck should have it, our cousins from Norway have written to let us know that they will be visiting us again for the holidays. It has been two years since their last visit, when they came bearing gifts of swords and shields for everyone! I thought you may enjoy a brief photo blog of our last gathering. Enjoy.

Cousin Eusphaun

Cousin Svendlflaus

Unfortunately cousin Svendlflaus is a mean drunk.
We had to confiscate the weapons. This put him in a melancholy slump.
(So sorry old chum.)

Cousin Blashimsven the Barbarian
(He is gentler than he looks.)

Singing the Barbie Doll Blues

Barbie. Famous for decades among little girls and women alike.

She stirs up controversy. She is ridiculed for her beauty and grace. She is collected, accessorized, and, mated. Her reputation is blemished to say the least; yet she always comes out on top. She is a superstar.*

Barbie's resume is impressive. She has withstood the test of time and is adored by her fans worldwide. You would be hard pressed, especially in this day and age, to speak to a single woman or girl who can look you in the eyes and say that she has never received a Barbie as a gift, or that she does not still have hers tucked away in a nice keepsake chest somewhere in the attic.

Turn to the female on your left and ask her to share with you a Barbie story, and chances are good that her cheeks will blush and they will be more than happy to oblige. Speak of dolls in general and the same will apply. Envisionhope was reminded of her own Barbie story after reading "A Little Girl's Fashion Faux Pas". She commented:

"When I was around ten-years-old I got a Barbie doll. She was the original version. I loved her high ponytail and perky attributes.

"A short time later I found that one of her bossomly features was indented. I have no idea how this occurred, but she bares the mark to this day. I loved her even though she wasn't perfect and realize now how this doll imitates life -- that true beauty is not skin deep."

I too was in awe of Barbie's "perky attributes". Unfortunately, I have no Barbie stories to share with the person to my right. Barbies were seen as a ridiculous, laughable, no-no and my mother never allowed me to play with them, not to even think about playing with them. Ever. "Silly", was the word she used, in a disgusted voice, when I'd tell her of a friend's new Fashion Barbie, or when we saw the ads on television, or passed them in the doll aisle. It wasn't because she (Barbie) was non-argumentatively disproportionate, or that she was a bimbo. It wasn't even her anorexic reputation**.

It was because of Barbie's mammalian protuberances. She said, "If you are old enough to play with a doll with boobs, you are old enough to have boobs of your own, in which case you should not be playing with dolls." She said this dismissively, as if I should have already known this information. That was the answer I repeatedly got, until I tired of it and decided to suffer alone in the quiet of my heart.

Apparently, Santa felt the same, because there was never a Barbie under the tinsel tree, waiting for me to tell her how lovely she looked. Nor where her accessories hiding gleefully in my stocking.

I don't expect to get one this year either, and I don't mind this one bit. You see, she was right about the boobies. Besides which, mine are anatomically correct.
I'm sorry Barbie, but we were not made for each other.

*This is not a fake Barbie! It is "Alfred Hitchcock The Birds Barbie"! She does come with all you see here, birds and handbag. She is from Matel. You may be hard pressed to find her, but she's out there, so have a yourself a google search!
**In 1965, Slumber Party Barbie came with her own weight loss book that suggested not eating was a good route to take.

A special thanks to Envisionhope for inspiring this Barbie blog.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A Little Girl's Fashion Faux Pas

This morning I enjoyed a very warm cup of tea , (Ahhh and Yum and perfect for getting the day on it's way.) My favorite brand: Twinings! My favorite flavor: today it is Earl Grey, with a dash of milk.

While enjoying my tea, I spent some time reading some new blogs by my new cyber friend, J A S. (Good morning to you by the way!)

I had a girlish laugh at his blog entitled, "There will always be..." (unfortunately no longer available. It reminded me of a long ago time, when I was four years old and everyone was asleep and the sun was just waking up.

I had a favorite doll with fair plastic skin and blonde synthetic hair. In the 70's one was hard pressed to find a doll with anything but (fair skin and blonde hair). I myself had brunette hair. Quite long, with ringlets at the ends, and usually put in braids to keep it from knotting.

For a very long time I had wanted my doll's blonde hair, if only for a moment. On this particular morning I was overcome with envy and armed with scissors and glue. Crouched behind the couch in the living room, I began the transplant.

Snip! I had separated a nice chunk of golden hair. Snip! I had separated a nice chunk of auburn braid. And now for the trade off. Putting down the scissors, I grabbed for the glue. Elmer's All Purpose, with the blue and white label. Stronger than the Elmer's school glue, I hoped it would hold well. It would take some time to dry, but I was prepared to wait.

What could not have been more than three minutes later, the two of us were covered in sopping glue and I was filled with sorrow. It did not help at all that her permanent smile was still permanently smiling back at me. I realized that she would always be smiling stupidly as if nothing was wrong; she was not as beautiful as I thought.

I sat there, as the sun began to creep over us, sobbing quietly in dismay and sadness. Not only was the glue not working, but sorrow for my dismembered braid filled me. I could never get it back. And with each passing second, my love for the inanimate object before me was dissipating. I could never look at her the same again.

Sad that all I remember was her hair. Not what she looked like exactly, and even more deserting is the fact that I cannot for the life of me remember what I called her.

On the brighter side, my hair has since become a source of pride, as many other aspects of me have. This is because I had early on realized that "there will always be....", and that I always will be too.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Forget Santa's Naughty & Nice List! Women Worry About Visit From Aunt!

In ten days it's going to be Christmas and Aunt Luna will be visiting. Again. Just like she visited on most every other Christmas since I was 14. Fortunately, I know I am not alone; there are girls and women all over the world who must suffer and endure the company of their own Aunt Luna at holiday time.

She doesn't call first!

She comes bearing gifts...

some BIG,

some small.

She LUNGES them at us, so we need to protect ourselves with some sort of PADDING lest we suffer EMBARRASSMENT. (And yes, even the stocking stuffer may be a LARGE TICKET ITEM; so better safe than sorry.)

Unfortunately, her gifts are never the gifts I asked for, nor are they ones I ever look forward to.
To be kind, there is a benefit to her visiting on a major holiday such as Christmas. No Christmas would be complete without...

lots of CHOCOLATE...

and lots of BOOZE!
A nice red wine for example...

I have to say that both go together very well, and both help make her visits just a little more bearable.

So this Christmas I will be padded, armed with the finest chocolates I can sequester, and I will be nicely boozed up when I answer that door!

"Oh! For me?! I love triple chocolate brandy fudge cake with fresh raspberries! However did you know?!"


"More Chianti, how lovely. I said MORE! And keep it Commin'! ... please."

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Perfect and Free Virtual Gift Via Web Applications

This year, like years before and years to come, one can get very LUCKY with gift giving; the FREE kind. No postage required, ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY, no time consumed in long lines or searching aisle after aisle of unnecessary objects, and no need to leave the comfort of your favorite couch by your favorite draperies beside your favorite picture of Aunt Sylvia. It's truly something to take advantage of... Or is it?

Let us look at your possible category choices if you are using the ever popular My Christmas Tree application, shall we?

recently popular, Christmas decor, Christmas spirit, pets and animals, flowers, Christmas cookies (new), celebrity dates, clothes for her, clothes for him, food and drink, jewelry, shoes, handbags and purses, perfume and fragrances, sexy and naughty, movies and tv, for men, sports, cool gadgets, watches

At first glance I thought, "Oh, what fun. Let's see what I can find for some of my friends on
Facebook." These are mostly people I am acquaintances with, or old wonderful friends or flames that I have not seen in fifteen years (some for longer), as well as those who were never close to me to begin with but one never knows. And so began the scan through. This was easy enough. There were not many to choose from in each category, making things relatively easy. Painless, however, it was not. 

Flowers, I suddenly realized were quite impersonal. Here in the states, and perhaps elsewhere, they are overdone, to put it mildly. They have become the BROMIDIC, gift from one layman to another.

One, in the end, worries greatly about whether their gifts will be accepted with gladness, taken in and cared for, or reflected upon with fondness in the years to come. In regards to flowers, I found myself asking the following questions. Had someone died? Did you, the giver, do something wrong? Did you not really care about them? Would the receiver be opposed to the color? Would flowers elicit an allergic reaction at the thought of them?

Clothes for him and her, well, this is a twofold problem gift. Questions one must ask themselves here would be: ARE YOU dating? ARE THEY your child? ARE YOU SAYING this person needs a new wardrobe? And if you can answer yes to any of these questions, WHY in the bloody hell are you not at the store getting them something that will caress the skin, comfort, or make a true fashion statement? 

Sexy and naughty, a spirited and sportive category, I thought, may prove to provide me with a lively and playful gift. Edible underwear? IF this is the message you want to bring to the table but are too afraid to actualize this fantasy, then this may be an IDEAL choice. KEEP IN MIND that your friend Sally or Bob may consider this a joke, friendly or otherwise, and your dreams may become scathed at the click of a mouse. 

No, you may not see anything as special as this.

A blowup doll (male or female) is also available. This is an ideal choice if you are wanting to be disowned, or if you don't mind the POSSIBILITY that this doll gift could cause your friend to wonder exactly what you think of his or her sex life; if they do not have one, this honestly could cause a JUMP off a bridge. At any rate, this is a dishonest gift with unfaithful undertones. 

If your friends are not aware of this free virtual gift giving application, they will be, because they will have to accept the application to enter AND ACCEPT this gift. In other words, they will eventually be able to find the gift category in which the gift once resided.

So whilst thinking your sass and friskiness will be APPRECIATED, under NO circumstances must one EVER chose the following items from this sexy and naughty category. Sunglasses. Boxers. You will hurt their feelings if they have any hope of you; and if they do not, their ego will be CRUSHED at the thought of your possibly thinking that they are not woman, or man, enough, for TRUE sexy or naughtiness. Unfortunately this category yields only discomfort and anxiety at EVERY turn. 

Cool gadgets are also a letdown. Not only because giving one of these is a probable reminder that you or the receiver cannot afford to buy them in the first place, but also because you would not buy them in the un-virtual world, if you could, for someone else; unless you THINK that the receiver is a charity case and you BELIEVE that flaunting your money inappropriately is good manners, and accepted worldwide. 

At this point, I stopped and thought hard about the reason I was interested in sending a virtual gift in the first place. FREE ONE-STOP SHOPPING and the possibility that my gift would be met with open arms and heartfelt appreciation. 

I knew, then, what I would send to my facebook friends this holiday season. A simple, virtual, unanimated, snow globe, in a sturdy looking square red Christmas box. 


In my mind, this says I am thinking about you, with fondness, but not overwhelmingly so, I am sending you something cute to look at for a moment then discard, but to again remember; that someone thought of you and cared enough to give you something that is environmentally friendly, a gift from the heart, a gift of childhood dreams. 

With any HOPE, I will NOT have brought up TERRORIZING memories, as snow globes at times CAN. In other words, there just may be no PERFECT GIFT, virtual or otherwise. Because, unfortunately, the thought COUNTS.

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